I am wanting to cry and then not wanting to cry and then shred some things and then the shredder stops (who knows why) and then I need to take a shower and then I need to get rid of some clutter and then…and then…I wonder why I feel so useless and unable to think straight and then…and then…
I feel sometimes like maybe there is something wrong with me. Actually I feel like that a lot lately. I want to know why some people can irritate me to my core and I can shrug off other peoples stupidity.
I am speaking of my recent post about changing the color of my hair. I want to be a little more daring and take some chances. I voice it to my husband who thought it looked cool…got up the courage to speak it out loud (on social media) and then went ahead and did it. Now someone else from my past has jumped on the band wagon and wants the same look…
What is it about this exchange that has me all caught up in the moment. I want to scream at the world over something so stupid that I cannot even control myself.
I have waited a sufficient amount of time before posting this rebuttal and now I feel that I need to press the “publish” button…so there!
She never thought of mourning as the loss of anything but a loved one, but in her life she has had a lot of opportunity to mourn.
Mourning the loss of a pet, mourning the loss of a friendship, mourning the loss of an opportunity, mourning the loss of a job, and mourning the loss of a marriage were experiences that she was blindsided by. She thought of herself as being strong in her ability to protect her inner most feelings from being seen. What she didn’t realize is that by doing that the feelings have nowhere to go but inward and that is what is affecting her now.
She sometimes mourns unconventional things.
She mourns the loss of her old body. Age was never a concern until her body starts to change.
She mourns the loss of her old way of thinking. Things used to be easy and exciting to take action on.
She mourns the loss of an old car. She has always felt that her car was a part of her, an outward expression of who she is. She puts a lot of thought into the type of car that she drives and it becomes a part of her so much so that when it gets towed out of the driveway a piece of her goes with it.
What she is now realizing is that the pieces of her that go away are really not to be mourned but to be celebrated with great expectations of new pieces to be found.